Detachment – Less defensive to criticism & Critique

Start by acknowledging that you are not perfect now nor may ever be. Perfection is a false destination. Let growth and development be your daily destination, rather than maintaining a defense of the status quo. We are neither perfect nor heading towards perfection. We are merely developing and growing. Your impressions on others will create learning opportunities if you are open and receptive to receiving feedback. Accept criticism and critique of your actions and move on. Learn from feedback and improve yourself rather than stagnating in self satisfaction.

Steve Morris

Accept criticism and critique of your actions and move on.

Acquire the habit of attending carefully to what is being said by another, and to entering, as far as possible, into the mind of the speaker.
— Marcus AureliusMeditations

Always remember, what others said are opinions of you. Ask yourself this question, what are the things that can be learned from their opinions? Feedback receive can be an invaluable lesson learned and helps you improve on your work/action.

Reserve the seats for real critics

“There are millions of cheap seats in the world today filled with people that will never once step foot in that arena. They will never once put themselves out there, but they will make it a full-time job to hurl criticism and judgment and really hateful things toward us. […] We’ve got to let them drop on the floor. Don’t grab that hurtful stuff from the cheap seats, and pull it close. Don’t pull it anywhere near your heart.”

– Brené Brown

Learn how to identify those who has been in the arena, verses those who never been brave and step inside the same arena with you. Your choice matters because not everyone’s opinion of you is useful. Some even like to see.

Lastly, Brene Brown famously quote this

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt 

Detachment-Ego is the enemy on how you receive negative feedback

Your ego is reluctant to be criticised and has learned how to put up defensive barriers to protect its own self-concept. It takes a good friend to tell you the truth when it comes to giving you views that your ego will want to reject. Curb your ego so that it does not launch an off endive Attack on the ‘bearer of bad news’. Feedback may hurt us (our ego actually) but only for as Long as we let it – it is all in the mind. When receiving negative feedback, take a mindful breath in, feel the discomfort arise, and breath out as you transform the discomfort into appreciation. If you need to, raise an imaginary screen to protect yourself from feeling hurt SMD from hearing negative feedback. Lower it once you have heard the message then think about it.

Steve Morries

Build your life action by action

“You must build up your life action by action, and be content if each one achieves its goal as far as possible—and no one can keep you from this. But there will be some external obstacle! Perhaps, but no obstacle to acting with justice, self-control, and wisdom. But what if some other area of my action is thwarted? Well, gladly accept the obstacle for what it is and shift your attention to what is given, and another action will immediately take its place, one that better fits the life you are building.”

A reminder to all that inaction don’t bring you anywhere, start living, stat planning and acting on your plan.

Detachment – Separate people from their action

Separate yourself from your own actions. When someone expresses unhappiness towards you, it is probably due to your action or inactions as the case may be. and not your state of being – nor moreover, your inner being . People are happy or unhappy with the results of their thoughts and action. Hold back from critiquing people, focus instead on their actions. Invite others to do the same with you. Welcome critique of your actions. Accept others who they are and do not reject them or shun them for their imperfection

Steve Morris -Sowing the Seeds of Glorious Living: 365 Ways to Enrich Your Body Mind Heart and Soul 

This statement states quite a number of stoics practice

Hold back from critiquing people, focus instead on their action. Its useless when they are talking and acting this way, there is an intention. Also, Marcus advice to self is seeking to change our own ways instead of fixing others.

“It’s silly to try to escape other people’s faults. They are inescapable. Just try to escape your own.” — Marcus Aurelius

Invite others to do the same with you. Humans are imperfect. There of course you have your own flaws and I do I have mine. If anyone is to speak ill of you, gracefully say that there are more that its out there.

“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would have not mentioned these alone.’” — Epictetus

How well do you practice detachment towards others speech and action? This is just a simple example. My father is deaf without his hearing aid. My mom was getting angry with him for his actions (repeated actions due to dementia). When she scolded him, he can’t hear. What I belief is dad isn’t intentional. He lost his ability to think and its sad.

Think of the person who expresses their unhappiness to you. Is it your action or lack of those pisses them off? What can you change instead to improve the situation?

Remember what you can control (your own actions) and what you can’t (others speech and actions).

Wisdom Courage Temperance Justice: 4 Killer Ways to stay Calm

Things happen. Ever since I started “meditation”, I’ve began to accept things gradually. When life is tough, you just need to pray for those virtues. My dad (dementia) went missing again. This time he took a bus all the way to the east and then took another bus that coincidentally came to my house. I boarded the bus and asked my dad to alight. Finally, called a cab that brought him all the way home. Such incidents happen nearly two or three times weekly.

It is futile hoping that dad don’t go missing. Wishing is desiring and desiring is a form of attachment. Desiring something that is out of our control is madness. So what’s in control are your four virtues and what’s not are the nature of things. I am helping my mom to cope with this (as we are not staying together).

What’s the fix for dementia? You can’t control someone else having it , but you can start with yourself.

Life On Your Own Terms

Life on your own terms means the ability to live a life that is meaningful and fulfilling to you. It means being able to enjoy quality time with your family, while also having a purpose-filled career that provides financial freedom. It also means having the time freedom and flexibility to pursue the things that matter most to you, whether that is travel, volunteering, fitness, or any number of other hobbies or interests link

A week of silent

The Romans focus on action and not on words. Everyday, you can see people posting their opinion on almost anything. When do anyone stop to listen?

In our monkey mind, there tends to have lots of thoughts. Philosophy teaches us how to act and not how to talk. Let’s bias towards action on a daily basis.

Real listening is rare nowadays. Have you caught yourself with running commentary while the others speak? Let your mind switch to hearing mode. stay silent is not always a good interaction so hold your tongue not opinion.

Find my iphone…found my father

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and if life gives me lemon, I will plant a lemon tree. Life is always not pretty, the stoics have encountered struggles and overcome them through reasoned act. My dad has Alzhemir’s disease and recently unable to take the right bus. He landed in many places and today, we had to chase him around the island to get to him. After the first incident in August, I’ve planted a old iPhone to track him. My husband managed to catch up with the bus I suspect he was in and once validated, he let me off at the next bus stop to get my dad in the bus.

My husband is brilliant to suggest if every bus and bus stop and bus are able to capture images, that will be possible to find his exact location. Given that he has forgotten to tap his card when onboard, tracking a dementia person will be hard.

Technology helps to perform detection, but what’s important now is to protect yourself from such illness by adjusting your diet, exercise routine and habits. Prevention is always better than cure.

My dad is safe for now. I know he never wants to trouble us by trying to keep his mind active. He said he has mixed up things which I felt sad to see him feeling guilty for taking the wrong bus. I know my dad has always been independent. Until such time, he thanked us for getting him back.

If Life throws you a lemon, don’t feel sour about it, there is always a lesson to be learned. Ask for inner strengths and thank my husband for support. Try turning things around and see what you come up with,

I don’t have much time with my dad. Maybe it’s a way for us to spend a little time together. He has worked so hard in his life but never able to enjoy his life. He thinks work is the only way to keep his mind active. Till now, dad keeps on working. He never take Long rests and just strive to work day and night. When he is lost, he will try to get back home his own. Never once ask for help to avoid troubling others.

If you see someone who has dementia, hope you can help him or her find a way back home.

Allan watts similarities in Caigentan and stoic

“If the mind is clear,
A dark room has its blue sky
If the mind is somber,
Broad daylight gives birth to demons and evil spirits

The just man has no mind to seek happiness,
Heaven therefore because of this mindlessness,
Opens its utmost heart
The bad man busies himself with avoiding misfortunes,
Heaven therefore confounds him for this desire

How unsearchable, are the ways of heaven
How useless, is the wisdom of man
The Tao is common property
It should be pointed out to all we meet
Learning is as ordinary as eating rice at home
According to the circumstances
It should be pointed out circumspectly
The ancients left rice for mice
And did not light lamps out of pity for moths
These thoughts of theirs are the operating point for humanity in life
Lacking this, a man is a mear earthman, a wooden body
The Zen sect says, when you are hungry eat
When you are weary sleep
Poetry aims at the description in common language in beautiful scenery
The sublime is contained in the ordinary,
The hardest
In the easiest
What is self concious and alterior
Is far from the Truth
What is mindless
Is Near” ~ Kojisai (1624)

Evening reflection

This week topic is about prying for the opposite. Try praying differently, and see what happens: Instead of asking for “a way to sleep with her,” try asking for “a way to stop desiring to sleep with her.” Instead of “a way to get rid of him,” try asking for “a way to not crave his demise.” Instead of “a way to not lose my child,” try asking for “a way to lose my fear of it.”
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.40.(6)

It’s pray for strength to get through all these. Well for sure my mom gets worried after my dad didn’t come home after 9 pm. I’ve used my old IPhone to track him fortunately just to give her assurance that he is nearby. I pray that I can get through all these uncertainties. Think about what I want is for my dad to be home safety, if I pray differently, I needed the cam and composure to help my mom through these uncertainty.

Let’s switch topic.

I’ve received a call from a lady claimed to be from Google. She said my network has been compromised and asked me to type in netstat to see those foreign transactions. Well I knew something was wrong my google told me to change my password. So I quite believe that it happen. She lead me to enter a strange address that starts with http://www.ultra…..which then I asked ”how do I know you are from Google.”

Then she said to me, I am Kerry smith, my id is 1008 and there is a customer id you can validate us in your computer. Just type assoc in the cmd.

The next time someone ask you about things, type into the Google search box and add in the word scam. Before I went further, I sad I will call google and instead called my service provider that our network has been compromised.

On iOS, go to the Phone app, then your Recents, tap the blue information icon to the right of the number you want to block, and select “Block this Caller.”

For Android, go to the Recents section of the Phone app, long press on the bothersome number, and choose “Block / report spam.”

Stay safe folks. Remember to pray for the strength to overcome adversity.